| (no subject) |
[Nov. 20th, 2007|03:40 pm] |
ok its been just about 2 months since i have last posted....guess i have been busy. but with what. there hasnt been that many things going on
there is school... its busy of course. Tests practically every week, so Im doing alot of studying. I did very well in the first two classes that i finished. 88.6% in Management 1 and 81.9% in Behaviour. So i was really happy with that. I am still holding an over 100% in Phys because i get perfect on my tests plus the bonus marks. it just gets overwhelming when i have test after test during the week, and barely no time to study because all i want to do is sleep. These 12 hour days and busy weekends are taking a toll on my sleeping time.
Riding is going well. Carly is so much fun that i look forward to getting on her every weekend and i miss it when im in London. I put her in the Henderhell show series and she is progressing. The first show i think we only placed in one class because she was flipping leads and being crazy. But the one that just passed was better. We placed in each class, low but we still placed. So thats going well. It just gets so hard to devote time to her with work and school and studying, but i do it....because i love it!
I had a really bad week 2 weeks ago. I got extremely home sick and was having anxiety attacks at school. i had to continuously tell myself that i am able to go home every wednesday night if i need to. I have to take things a day at a time, and not make big mountains out of mole hills. i am much better this week tho. i am just doing what needs to be done...school, studying my ass off, and pushin thru.
I have alot of good things coming up to look forward to. This weekend im gettng my nails done with Lauren for her Bday. then i get to go to a ladies night, where hopefully good looking men will serve me dinner. Then the next weekend is lauren's birthday and my vet christmas party. then the next weekend i have my Kodiak christmas party and a horse show. and then the next 2 weekends i have to work, but its ok because christmas will be the next week and i will be with the fam :)
Boys...interesting topic these days. The one who was occupying my mind about a month ago, said he wasnt able to fully commit b/c he is busy with his work, so thats done. Then i felt a close friend trying to get closer and cross the friend line, so im kind of staying away from that. just to give it time and hope things go back to the way they were before. Now a days, a certain someone has been on my mind alot, but he is having emotional issues from his last gf and recent break up with her so im giving that time. i dont want to jump in like i did with the last boyfriend and have things turn out badly. So really....im just hanging out....rolling with the punches....seeing what opportunities arise...
i think that is all that is new....i need to study now....Peace |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 25th, 2007|07:14 pm] |
ok so as Lani says, I have been living in london for almost a month and i have yet to post about it. so here i go...ill do an update of everything.
well i told you that i lost one of my best friends....
and that London is not the pretty, safe city i thought it was,
but everything has gotten better.
School is actually awesome. Yes it can be stressful, especially this week, where i had a test in each of my classes but the teachers are awesome and so are my classmates. It has almost become routine now that the night before a test, we will all study by ourselves and then get together afterwards and study as a group. I never really did that in highschool, but it really does work. and i have discovered Q-cards, which are pretty much God's gift to college students. The teachers are really kind and willing to help and make the classes go as smoothly as possible. So im content with that.
Living Arrangements are something to learn...Its hard going from my house where i have been living there for 18 years, and i know the way things go to an apartment where i am pretty much free to do whatever. I can go to bed whenever, and stay out till whenever. But with that freedom comes the responsibilities like cleaning and paying bills. Cleaning is the not so enjoyable part(most of the time). There are sometimes where i just get the sudden erge to clean, but Lani has already planned to do it. Thats kool and all but i want to pull my weight around here to...so we have to work out some kind of system thats fair.
Being Away From Home was hard to deal with at first, but i am getting better. The first weekend I said my goodbyes and got out of the house before i could start crying. But when i talked to my fam throughout the week on the phone, both me and them could hear the quiver in my voice. The second weekend, i had lani with me so leaving wasnt an issue, but as soon as i dropped her off at work and went back to the lonely apartment, i had a panick attack. Luckily Justin and Jeremy were there online to talk me through it and calm me down. The Third weekend was a bad one. I even cried infront of my coach, and then again at dinner with the fam. But this weekend i took an ativan to keep me calm and then i was fine once i got here too. This weekend coming up, i am not going to go home. This is one weekend that there is nothing at home that i NEED to do....of course my horse could use the work, but i have decided to stay and see what London life is like on the weekend. So i will most likely chill at the apartment or at Norma's while lani is at work but thats ok. i have to get used to it, because in the winter i wont be driving home, unless i need to, and that will be for a possible show, work or christmas.
So there is the just of it. I like it here, bugt i do miss home. Hopefully these 2-3 years will go by quickly :P |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 5th, 2007|07:00 pm] |
so london isnt all that i thought it was going to be.
first day of classes the director informs us that there is no parking lot for us to park in
then he tells us that cars have been broken into at 2 in the afternoon while sitting on the street outside the school
GREAT!
then that night i drive Lani to work
and there is a cop car sitting in the parking lot.
GREAT!
Lani come home from work at 4 in the morning
and her bed/window has a major vibration attack so she runs into my room asking it i felt/heard it....
Nope
Then she infoms me that one of the apartments in our building got broken into
GREAT!
lani goes back to bed
and within 5 minutes i am curling into bed right beside her because i am freaking petrified!
Ya that was a good night...not |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 22nd, 2007|10:18 am] |
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Im not sure how to go about writing this.
But im just going to put it out there.
I guess our friendship means less to you than hers does.
I have to honestly say that
There is no way I would have gone longer than a week
Without telling you that I had Brad Paisley tickets.
There is just No Way!
I guess we cant say for sure when you found out about that party,
but I have a feeling it was after my news.
Unless Waterloo is amazing co-ordinated
and know when they are throwing parties 2-3 months in advance.
But who knows, it could be possible.
The way I see it is,
You know that if you cancel your other plans and come to the concert,
The rammifications from her will be serious.
You know that I take things less personal and just let them roll off my back.
So thats why you say "you cant go back on a promise."
But what about just saying you would come with me.
And how excited you were about "singing Ticks with Brad Paisley"
Your word may not as binding as a "promise" is,
But it still means something to me.
And your actions show me that I am a pushover.
I dont fight back;
Because with you it is almost impossible.
You know you are like a brick wall to fight with...
You dont budge.
So I dont bother.
I could always try the silent treatment,
But that doesnt help anything in the end.
Once we make up,
Things just go back to the way it was before the silence,
And eventually it happens again.
So I am at a loss with what to do.
It's almost as if it is me against the three of you.
Or at least it was...
You used to make plans with her,
He tagged along because of her;
And I was just an after thought.
Hense why I get shafted all the time.
But not anymore.
I wont put myeslf out there to get shut down again. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 10th, 2007|10:13 am] |
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Crisis averted.
so this morning Dad lets Quilla out for her usual pee.
he comes in the house and busies himself with whatever
at 6:45 Dad wakes me up for my shower
I get up,
have my shower,
and then find him to tell him that it is his turn.
Thats when the bad news came.
Quilla is missing.
I run back into the house and get dressed
Sue our neighbour searches the back yards on her side of the road
Me and dad search our side.
I jump in the truck and drive about half a kilometer
north and south of our house,
thinking she couldnt be that far.
I come home and think
Call 24h Pet Watch
Finally find the papers with the phone number
and realize they arent Quilla's papers.
Stina and Lauren wake up and help looking
Stina jumps in the truck and we head north again checking ditches and culverts
we make it all the way up to the barn
inform Nicole of what happened and ask her to keep a look out.
We head south again,
pass the house;
everyone is still looking.
Drive back in behind all of our neighbours chicken farms
think ok there is no way she could have gotten this far
so we pull into the last farm before Mayfield,
just to turn around.
Who do we see playing with their dog in the drive way...
Miss Quilla.
Donna tells us that she found her about half a kilometer past her house
by this point we were just about 2 kilometers south of OUR house
My freaking 12 week old puppy B-Lined it out of the backyard and close to 3 kilometers south.
Thats Ridiculous!!!
She is found.
I am contacting her breeder to figure out where her papers are
Then taking her into the clinic and getting her Microchipped if she isnt already done.
I never again want to feel like I did this morning
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 30th, 2007|01:31 pm] |
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awesome weekend for sure
Friday night was a surprise trip to london.
Lani's birthday was on wednesday
and the people that told her they were going to visit
never did, so i thought i would go and make it a surprise
Ash and i headed out for what we did not know was going to become yet another adventure.
Got to London,
did the Big Surprise enterance,
my keys helped alot for that one :P
Then took Lani and Phil out to Carrie's where there was Carrie-okie
Phil had a blast with that
Ash, Lani, and I had a blast laughing at him and singing along from our booth
4 coolers, and 2 pitchers of beer later
it was time for bed.
Saturday Lani woke me up to drive her to work.
Ash, Phil and I lazed around the house,
then went to the mall.
Ash and I just Pre-shopped for our trip to the Eaton's Center,
and Phil did something with a golf club
Then we went home and lazed around some more.
Around 5 Phil went to Norma Jeans for dinner,
and it wasnt long after that we followed.
We got a heads up from Scottie B. saying that there was a free Headly concert in waterloo
so we sketched that into our not so planned plans
By 8 o'clock we were on the road,
with no formal directions,
just with the hopes that someone nice will help us out.
We definately found that Mister Nice Guy
He told us to follow him and he would take us about a block away from where we were going.
We trusted this guy, and it was only half way there that we thought that he could possibly be taking us to some back alley way to kill us.
Yet we kept following :P
He did take us a block away from where we needed to be,
which made us EXTREMELY happy,
because there is no way we would have made it there without him.
We thought it was going to be hard to find this outdoor concert,
but when all the streets were blocked off we knew we were in the right place.
I texted Scottie to see where he was, but that was a loss cause.
Even with the BEST directions anyone could give, he didnt find us.
So Ash and I watched Headly play - awesome
and then found him and his friend.
I believe Headly was the last ones to go on so after that we left and went back to a Kegger.
We hung around there for a couple hours,
watching very drunken guys demolish the backyard.
one guy went THROUGH the wooden fence
and then the rest of them were throwing all the patio furniture into the tree!
it was ridiculous.
if anyone was at my house doing what these guys were doing,
they wouldnt have balls anymore.
Around 1 o'clock everyone but the 4 of us went, out to a bar,
but we just crashed on the couches.
we had a quick power nap,
and we were back on the road by 2
home and in bed by 3...
Sunday of course was a day of catching up on sleep,
and lazing around my house watching the O.C.
and playing with the puppies :)
it was such a good weekend,
i got to see Lani and celebrate her birthday with her,
i got to see Scottie, who i havent seen since the winter i think...
and i got to go on an adventure with Ashley.
Next weekend....
camping with the family for a night or so,
and camping in the middle of no where for Christine's birthday
Can't wait
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2007|10:00 am] |
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I dont have much to say.
no big rant this time.
things are pretty easy breezy for me right now.
nothing really to complain about.
friends arent being gay.
boys are always gay,
but nothing that bad at the moment.
rents are good.
Im not fighting with my siblings.
I have the house to myself this weekend.
Im hoping to have a good time
and actually do something
but we will see when the time comes
:)
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2007|08:38 am] |
its all coming out.
i dont know how to deal with this anymore.
i cant seem to please everyone.
i am busy working with Hope to see if i should even continue,
if it will even be worth my while.
Titan is soon to be racing so his work-out schedule is getting pretty intense,
and that is even with Nicole riding some days.
Work is exhausting; physically and mentally.
After an 8 hour shift at Kodiak, then 4 hourse at the barn, i am ready to crash.
or on the days where i am pulling double shifts (Kodiak then the vets), AND THEN still going to the barn.
That isnt even what is really bothering me,
its the fact that i feel i have no one there.
Normally you are EXTREMELY good to me,
but this week, your friend from the states is here,
i dont want to bother you with my pithy little problems.
But you, i feel i cant do anything right for you.
i ask you to stay with me for a weekend,
so im not living alone with the dogs,
and that doesnt happen.
You say it was a misunderstanding,
and i just let it go.
I dont have the patience or energy to fight with it.
I go out with you on sunday night,
which was a blast,
but i know it bothered you, at least at first, that i wouldnt drive to wasaga.
im sorry if i am extremely tired.
then in talking with another friend,
we get the idea of going to a club.
then we get the idea of throwing a party.
i turn down the idea of the party,
because it is too short notice for it to actually be any good
and say there is still a possibility to going to the club.
i cant give a forsure answer about going,
so you throw that idea out the window.
Now plans have TOTALLY changed.
You plan to go out with her.
as of right now there was no talk of me coming along,
but at the same time, i dont know if i will really feel like tagging along
i feel like the third wheel, sometimes the fourth wheel.
i know im not as close with her as i used to be,
and you kind of filled that void,
and i am trying to be alright with that,
but its hard.
you say that you never want to be the girl that ditchs one person and their plans to do something else,
but within the last two weeks, that is what i see.
within the circumstances, he came before me last week.
it seems like she will end up coming before me this week.
i was thinking, if i actually made a decision and decided not to go to the club,
we could stay home and watch The O.C.
but dont worry about that now.
i will ride my horses like i plan,
keep my mouth shut,
and go on with life.
this week has been hell,
it started with a full weekend of work/barn/show/dog sitting.
then progressed to fighting with the brother,
then the rents
and now this.
this is my peace,
i will now retreat back into my hole,
where i am independent,
where i dont need to depend on anyone.
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 30th, 2007|12:24 am] |
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any chance you have nothing to do tonight?
im supposed to go out with Chris, i just got home from work
alright then nevermind. dont worry about it.
lol what are you up to?
oh i am just dog sitting for heather and her family, and was just trying to find someone to watch movies with me, because im bored
well i can give chris a call, cause i think he is going to be with his gf
no no i dont want you to change your plans because of me
are you at Heathers house?
yup i sure am
how long are you dog sitting?
till monday
wow that sucks, your long weekend all alone
well im going to the barn tomorrow for a bit, then tomorrow night im going to the races, and sunday i have a horse show, so im not alone the whole weekend, just tonight.
lol, im going to take a shower then i will come for a bit, how do i get there
<i give directions>
he shows up at the door.
we watch ACCEPTED
on seperate couches
with the occasional but usual fight
however nothing happened,
because i am playing the friend card
but who knows what will happen
this means the conquest continues,
Night :)
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 18th, 2007|10:06 am] |
What a weekend.
It was full of fun stuff and nothing stressful...exactly what i needed.
Friday
After a very quiet afternoon at the office, I drove over to grab Heather and headed up to the barn. I didnt plan on doing anything, but then decided to bring Hope out to see if she is looking any better. She was still sore, so i just got on her bareback and let her walk around with her head stretched out. Then Heather and i took our ponies into the field and let them graze. Heather and i just talked about different things, and our plans for the night. I was supposed to go out to West Seven with Ashley, but she had to be back at her house at 7 in the morning so we ix-neyed that planned and threw out other options of what we could do. Bowling, Mini-putting, Lazer Quest, The Drive-In...all these things to do but no energy to do them.
We ended up just staying at my house. Ashley came by and we played the new Price Is Right game. I was really kool, I was Bob Barker :) By 1 Ashley was falling asleep so she went home, and Heather and I watched then end of Accepted, then headed to bed.
Saturday
Heather had to be up for 8:30 to go to driving school, and i got up with her to make sure she got out the door on time. Then I went back to bed. I had no clue how long I slept and I thought the clock was lying to me when I woke up and it was 2:30 in the afternoon. I got up and went downstairs to watch movies with Stina. I called Nicole and she said not to bother about coming up to ride Titan, so I just stayed there on the couch until it was time to go to church. The family went to church and then to Giggling Tomatoes for dinner. After dinner, I went to Bramalea to pick up Ashley and headed over to her house. We both showered and got ready to go over to her cousin's house. We were only planning on staying till 10ish but that is just when the problems started. Some guy got up in Ashley's cousins face. Ashley immediately jumped in and then her cousin's older brother did, and then the dad did. After that happened, we started kicking people out that Ashley's cousin didnt know. By 11 o'clock there was about 10 people left. We ate cake with them and then left.
My friend Adam was playing at All Stars Bar and Grill so we headed over there for a bit to watch. They were just a Black Sabbath cover band but they were pretty good. it was pushing 1 o'clock and they were still playing, so inbetween 2 songs we said goodbye and left. I took Ashley home and called Heather to see what she was up to. She was still at MItch's so i headed over there to see what was going on. Within 10 minutes of being there Paul D'Aggs had stole my cell and i had been jumped by Heather. I fought Paul for my phone and when i got it, it had broke. I ended up fixing it, thankfully but i was still pissed at Paul.
Not even an hour in to being at Mitch's, i got a call from Bodie. He was at John McCluer's farm and was wondering where i was. He wanted a drive home. I told him i was still in Brampton and that i would be a little while. Then he told me that the party was becomming a flop and that he wanted to go home. I knew he had his truck there and that there was a possibility that he would drive it home, so i told him that i was leaving to come get him. I found Heather and asked her if she wanted to come with. She agreed and we headed out. We got there and Bodie was content and still drinking so i dont know what the big rush was. Heather and I got shown around by Bodie's friend, Ryan for a bit and then headed out.
I drove Bodie and 2 of his friend over to his house, and Bodie invited us in. Heather and i flopped down on the couch, and then made room when Bodie bitched that he wasnt sitting on the floor. So the 3 of us crammed onto the little couch for probably a good hour if not more. Heather and i finally decided to leave when we saw the sun coming up. I quickly drove heather home and made it back into my bed by 6 in the morning. I then slep till 3:30 in the afternoon. It felt soooo great to get all that lost sleep back.
For a weekend that sounds so full and very busy, it was actually really really fun and relaxing. i have to have weekends like this more often :P Thank you girlies for being with me and everyone else that i periodically saw throughout the weekend. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 14th, 2007|09:16 am] |
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BIG RANT
I feel like a shit
I cant control myself anymore
I am stressed beyond the point of no return
It is ridiculous.
Kodiak is driving up the wall
"Leeler" can go suck on a tit
I dont know if what im asking of her is confusing
But it never gets done properly
I have to key in the invoices into the correct company
I am not able to distinguish which invoice goes in which company
So please just put them in the correct folders
And I wont feel like wringing your neck 6 times a day.
Cheltenham Vet Clinic is pulling my chain too
I asked them back in February to only give me 1 night shift a week
Because I dont want to cut back my hours at Kodiak
Katy told them that she wanted a shit load of hours when she was buying her horse
So she got them
4 nights a week.
But then she turns around
After she gets shafted out of buying her horse
And doesnt want the hours
So she asks for a cut back
And gets her friend to start working there
But this friend cant work by herself for at least 2 weeks
Because she needs to be trained
So that means I have to pick up the slack shifts in the mean time
A couple months later
This friend falls sick
So katy and I are stuck picking up slack shifts
Which means I am working more than the 1 shift that I want to work
Now the friend has to move
We are one girl short again
Katy is already working co-op there so she doesnt want to pick up more shifts than she has to
So of course I come to the rescue
Within the next two weeks i am working
Monday the 18th,
Friday the 22nd,
Saturday the 23rd,
Sunday the 24th,
Monday the 25th,
Wednesday the 27th.
Thats ridiculous.
Not to mention I have to work July 1st and 2nd
When Im supposed to be dog sitting for Heather's mother.
Northside Training Center is the only place I feel I can get away
And thats starting to turn hectic aswell
I ride Titan,
And Cowboy,
And Hope, when she isnt sore.
Thats another thing Hope is so
...Why
No clue
Dropped $63 on a massage
Still sore
Dropped another $125 on chiropractor work
Still sore
Whats next...
I have no clue
I was supposed to show her this summer
I actually wanted to
I put soooo much work into her and now she is sore.
Cowboy is soo lazy
He is a bother to work with alot of the time
And I feel myself having no patience
And that isnt fair to him.
Titan is working well tho
Thats one positive thing to look foreward to.
I feel I need time away from everything
But then I am just putting it off
And I will have to come back to it all
So I just push through it
I roll with the punches
Thats the only thing I know how to do at this point... |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 15th, 2007|01:05 pm] |
so i had this dream last night.....does anyone want to help me with the meaning behind it...
I was in the apple factory buying plates :S ...and some guy who I met last weekend wouldnt give me the last plate. He is like 6 feet tall so I thought the only way for him to drop his arms was if I kicked him in the balls, so I did, and he did drop. But only for a moment, he then jumped up and round house kicked me to the face. I fell but was able to get away. I tried to cammoflauge myself by sitting at a table where some guy was interviewing ppl. Ii told the guy what happened and he just turned around and said, "Hey, Im Pearl." When he smiled he had the whitest teeth. Then my friend Sara, who i havent seen since graduation, was behind me asking if I wanted her to go and get my plates
...and thats how it ended....i woke up...
Help! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 3rd, 2007|11:21 am] |
i cant do this
i wont live my life trying to compete with them
if you would rather spend your time with them
then i will have to deal with that
after six days of actually being home
you remember i am one of your friends
you remember that i live within brampton
you remember that i should be visited too
i do appreciate it
you driving all the way out to my house
to bother me
to poke fun
to interrupt one tree hill
and then you get mad when i dont want to talk to you
thats what happens when im not good enough to been seen within a couple days of you being home
i can understand if you were tired
resting at home
but you werent
you were out with her
you were out with him
you were clearly too busy with other people to bother to visit me
so i will freeze you out
at least for a lil while
to show you how i felt
ignored
not good enough
not wanted
hopefully then you will realize that some form of communication
within the first day or so of you being home
would have been better than nothing
and if you dont realize
then i wont bother with you
a 17 year friendship blown out the window
you might think it would be a stupid reason
but it isnt to me
17 years of knowing me
7 years of knowing her
4 maybe 5 years of knowing him
yet they are still more important than me
figures....
footnote
this is directed to him, not to her, i love her |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 28th, 2007|12:10 pm] |
i cant even put to words how happy i am to have to home.
i missed you when you were gone away,
even tho we did see each other pretty much every time you were home.
you are pretty much the one person that i can tell anything to,
and yes you will make judgement,
but not judgements that i cant handle.
you voice your opinion which is totally kool with me because it shows me that you actualy care.
you dont try to persuade my opinion or put things in my head.
you dont try and tell me what i really mean when i say something.
you are there when i need someone to bounce ideas off of or when i just need to vent.
im really glad that we were able to get back to where we were before our rift and beyond.
thru that time i thought i didnt need you,
because my mind was occupied with some stupid boy,
but in all honesty,
i do need you.
i need you there now, and forever.
i will apologize now, even tho it is a little late, for the rift.
i know it was hard on the both of us,
but we can forget about that now....we are here, together, rollin with the punches.
and now that you are back,
not quite legal yet,
(but we can work around that),
we will be able to have just as much fun as we used to...
...driving around honking horns unappropriately,
taking agventures with our ponies (check the p.s.)
and dancing to stupid songs from our childhood.
all in all,
i want to say thank you,
for being there when i wasnt always there for you,
and for staying around even tho we drifted.
i do love you very much...
times six hundred and twenty two....
ONLY LOVE
P.S. there is a hill behind silver moon, that i thought would be wicked to check out with our horses. yes it is quite the hike to get there, but i think it would be worth it....its like one of those hills from spruce meadows :P but there is a possibility of fences blocking out path...hmm |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 23rd, 2007|04:18 pm] |
why is it that the ones i want,
or at least the ones i think i want,
are never there...
they say they wanna get to know me,
but...
they never seem to put the effort in.
they say we can find time to hang out,
but...
they never seem to have an open spot in their schedule.
they say they will be around till the summer,
but...
who knows who will be around then.
maybe this is because the ones i want,
arent the right ones,
but i'm told you have to go through the wrong ones to find the right one,
so why are all the wrong ones running. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 12th, 2007|01:21 pm] |
at this moment in time,
i dont feel like shit,
i just dont give a shit.
with everthing that has happened in my life in the last year or so, its made me realized that i care to much, i get my hopes up to often, and it all stresses me out. so now i am trying this thing where its all about me...this is also a good thing seeing that i am starting to run myself ragged. anyways...im done stressing over little things and making a big deal over them.
For example: i invited scott to the house 2 weekends ago. i put out the offer and then didnt care what the outcome was going to be. if it turned out that he was able to come, then i would be happy when i hear him knocking on my front door. if it turned out that he wasnt able to come, i would find something else to do or have some jamie time. this is exactly what i did. of course he didnt end up coming, and i jsut did what i wanted to that weekend. went to work, had ash over, went to dave's show; not caring about the fact that scott wasnt with me thru it all. i didnt get my hopes up and they never came crashing down.
Another example: would be that my friends like to either get into little lovers corrals or involve me in them. im done with that. i might fight and say my peace and what not, but after that, i dont think about it. out of thought, out of mind.
right now i am focussing on trimming myself for summer. i wanna look hot when i am strutting down the beach. im definately eating alot better than i used to which is a big improvement. i am riding almost everyday. that is definately busting my balls. who knew that working/training a race horse...3 ACTUALLY...could be so much work on one's body. after 10 minutes i am breaking a sweat and my calfs and quads are killing. but i definately have strong legs now. im trying to get to the gym as often as possible but that is definatly hard. mom told me that i have to get there at least once a week, so that will be my goal. and hopefully this will all work in my favour and i wont kill myself doing it.
at this moment in time,
i still dont feel like shit,
i still dont give a shit. |
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[Mar. 6th, 2007|01:09 pm] |
what are you supposed to do when a certain someone randomly does something out of the blue, that you have wanted for as many years as you can remember. but then in time after this certain someone regrets it. then you later find out that the certain someone was looking positively on possible relationship changes until that certain someones friends laugh at him and made fun...deterring him from and kind of relationship at all.
what are you supposed to do in this kind of situation? yes it has been prolonged but i need answers...
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[Feb. 26th, 2007|01:13 pm] |
my kitty that i have had since i was five passed away this weekend. she had been diagnosed with fatty liver disease around christmas time. She was put on I.V. Fluids and many meds for 3 weeks, during which i had to go into the vets 4-6 times a day and force feed her to make sure she was eating. After these long tiring 3 weeks, the doctor said she was well enough to go home. I had strict instructions to make sure she was eating on her own, and if she wasnt she had to go back into the vets.
Rootbeer was alot happier to be home and was eating well on her own. She was well for a month or so, and around this time I has stopped being so persistant on her feeding shecdule, I just assumed she was eating. Well wrong assumption on my part. Rootbeer started peeing on my sister's bed, and when i actually stopped to look at her, I realized that she was extremely yellow and jaundisy. I took her into the vets the next day and she was immediatly put on the same liver meds and I.V. Fluids. This was a thursday. All day I had to force feed her and that night we did X-rays of her liver. When the vet looked at them, he said that there looked to be tumors on her liver, and possibly cancer. I didnt want to overreact so I told the vet, we would continue with the I.V. Fluids and meds until monday when another doctor would come in a look at the X-rays and give me a second opinion.
Friday I went in at 7 in the morning and medicated her and fed her, she was fed by the vet techs throughout the day, and then I went in once again friday night. Saturday the same thing happened. My sister and i visited her in the morning and then again around 6. But i went in a third time around 1 in the morning just to check on her one last time and to change her fluid bag. I sat with her and held her, and told her everything would be okay. I told her that she had survived this far and I wasnt going to give up yet. But at the same time I told here that there wasnt much else I was able to do. Lastly I told her that if it was her time to go, then I accept it and its better that she was not suffering any longer.
8:00 on sunday morning I get a call from the kennel girl that was working. She told me that she believed that Rootbeer had passed away over night but I should come in a take a look myself. I woke up my sister and Stina and headed over there. Lauren wouldnt come anywhere near the cage, but I went in with a stethascope and made the final call. She had passed. I took her out of the cage and put her on the table. Then brought my sister over to her and told Lauren to say her goodbyes. Lauren was sobbing like no tomorrow, and that made me and Stina both start, so I had to walk away. When Lauren was done, I told George (the head vet) to dispose of her body.
Im going to get a paw print for both Lauren and I which will be a good little keepsake for us. but i will always have the best keep sake of Rootbeer. I have a scar on my stomach where Rootbeer scratched me. Anytime I am sad I will always know she is with me :)
R.I.P. Rootbeer. I Love You! |
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[Feb. 22nd, 2007|01:36 pm] |
i havent posted about my life in a while but there really isnt much to say...
Working at Kodiak is fantastic, the money is real nice.
Working at the vets is good aswell. i kinda miss working with Christine tho, she was so cool. Like a big sister i never had.
Bluenotes is thinning out. I dont work there that often and that is totally fine with me. It stresses me out too much.
Training Titan is alot of fun even tho he can be an ass at times.
Hope is here and there. We had a wicked time leaping over snow banks with Heather and Katy on saturday. But her contact work is up in the air because its hard for me to find the time.
Ash and I are a lot better when we dont work together I find. But we are good outside of work. It always tends to be sitting at one of our houses just catching up or watching a season of one tree hill or grey's together, or going out for mottza sticks at tjs.
It has been great having Heather home this week. we have spent alot of time together. Saturday night watching greys and then haveing a sleepover. Tuesday night riding our horses. Today we had a lunch date. Tomorrow i believe we willl ride together again. And then she goes home :( that will just mean i will have to make a visit out to her in guelph...that is when i find a free weekend.
I try to get out to London as much as I can to visit with Lani and my new friend Scott. But I have to make a special trip next time to see Fern and try and patch things up there.
School starts on September 4th. I havent been accepted officially but I believe I have a very good chance. I started getting my registration papers together this week so that should get to them soon.
As for boys, thats always an interesting topic. And thats all im going to say.
i belive i have covered all my areas.
cheers |
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[Feb. 20th, 2007|06:49 pm] |
i think i have a crush on a guy at work. im not sure how old he is but, i know he is older. we just had chit chat about london and how great it is. he says the bar scene is wicked; so much fun. so that makes me 10 times more excited to turn 19 and to get out to london.
he is definately not what i usually like in guys, but he can be my work crush :P because i know for sure nothing is going to happen there. he is the president of Kodiak's son....anyways...back to work :P
ps. life is going well right now...nothing to complain about |
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